Character Exploration (SaraJ)

I don’t feel anything for him and I should. At least not anything good.

I don’t care about her anymore, and I should. I’m losing a good friend and mentor.

Our relationship is already over. I won’t even miss him. At least not for a while.

I’ll miss them. His mother. His father. His sisters. His brother. That feeling of having a family who would take me in. That feeling of having a family a family at all.

My mother lives 80 miles away. And I pretend that she doesn’t. I pretend that she is dead. And almost nobody knows.

I’m not going to clean up after her again. I won’t.

My best friend is dead. And it had no meaning at all. Her family will never see their part in it. They’ll just hold their vigils for depressed girls; and tell people to get help and look after their loved ones. But what about her? All the secrets they asked her to keep. They shamed her into keeping. Into going crazy trying to keep them.

Those secrets took her.

They had a choice between their secrets and her.

And they chose their secrets.

It feels like the whole world chooses their secrets. And not the good secrets. Not the kind meant to love and protect.

E sent me another check. And I needed it. Even though he frightens me. I needed it. And I know what he’ll expect. And I just want out.

His wife came into the shop the other day.  She pretended to be looking for him.

She was looking for me.

I haven’t done anything wrong.

Except for the money.

He should see me as his daughter. He does see me as his daughter. That is what I tell myself.

Even though I know it’s a lie.

They never see me as their daughter.

Character Explorations. © 2017-2019 Armstrong Watts